Awareness - Not Just A Matter Of Intellect
Awareness is not simply a matter of the intellect. A brilliant person who can make creative projects in their work may lack a prime emotional constituent that would allow them to interact satisfyingly in intimate relationships.
If a person cannot be aware of their mates feelings enough to interact with them in a manner that lets each of them feel energized and good with their contacts then they are missing the benefit of having a mate. One sign of a lack of sufficient awareness in a relationship can be demonstrated by a physically healthy person who says that they are feeling exhausted.
One of the many manifestations of trying to remain unaware can be a lack of ability to sleep soundly or even to go to sleep. Sleep is a time of lowered defenses, and hidden feeling leaking into our mind in the form of dreams or feelings which can be so frightening that we avoid them by unconsciously avoiding deep sleep.
If a mate is afraid, unconsciously, to be aware of other people's feelings it can be that they are afraid that such awareness will make then have to do things for or with that person. A fear of being overly controlled by others may result in a person maintaining unconsciously motivated ignorance of how people feel and think because knowledge of another's wishes and thoughts may make them feel as if they have to satisfy that person that they have understood.
Unaware people may have had an overcontrolling parent. To be aware would then mean that they might feel all the resentment, anxiety, anger and fear that an overcontrolling parent can generate.
Staying unaware can be a way of blinding oneself to the terrible feeling of inadequacy that an overcontrolling parent can generate in their children. The parent in such a case is actually innocent and blameless because they are usually acting out of a pattern that was put into them without their awareness. If we were made to feel that being our own person would somehow disturb our parent we usually go through a period of anger and resentment before we can allow ourself to freely be our own person. Often if we feel that our parent will not allow us to express our own wishes we then project this feeling onto our mate or select people that fill that niche in us.
People often hold back their own awareness because they are afraid to experience the feelings that being aware would make available to them. Ignorance in the face of available information is usually a self-induced phenomenon. We act dumb so that we do not have to know that we know. If we let a knowledge of our life enter our conscious mind we usually feel very responsible for the feelings that knowledge allows us, so that remaining ignorant can seem to be more comfortable. However, although ignorance may temporarily delay anxiety, constant repression of perception and feeling can lead to depression amidst profound feelings of helplessness that make us view ourself as being inadequate.
If you have trouble with sleep, sex, appetite, having some joyous laughter, and a sense of well being, in spite of no physical barriers to such, then an insight oriented psychotherapy that helps you to look into yourself may be able to assist you in your quest for better functioning.
by Dr. Lehrer